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Wednesday, January 16, 2008
so many things so little time/ 3:20 AM either ways from my earlier post. i've realised one thing. that you mean something special to me. immediately when the change of words i felt something different. when you asked with my replies. i know you care and it affected me after the way i replied you. gah. i'm still feel kinda bad even though you said nevermind already. i really didnt want what i did this afternoon to ever happen again. dont know why i just snapped out like that. i know i was in the wrong. but i just cant bring myself for saying i'm sorry out of my mouth verbally. gah. then all i know is to just try and do all the little things she asks me to and just try to make her happy. i am such a bad person. gah. =[ why isit only that i have short tempered with them? why cant i hold my temper as well as i can when i'm with others? weird isnt it. i dont wanna blow up you know. then i just walk away without saying anything but inside i'm angry with them. i dont wanna be that way know. but i think i just take things for granted that's why i'm like that. gah. i feel bad. how can i go about making things better without having to lose my cool when something doesnt go the way i want it to. is it true that all kids that are born with a silver spoon all take things for granted? gah gah gah. people do things that hurt other people. why do they do such a thing when they know that in the end they'll end up hurting the people that they care for. just cause they want it their way it has to hurt and inflict pain into others. it isnt fair. they have no right to do such a thing. they should be slapped across the face and not be forgiven. for their own greed and welfare. like totally wtf. then after they realise that they have been doing the wrong things with all the guilt and all the sins that they have made. they have come to their senses and they realise that they need to seek to be forgiven. for they will not feel better until they are forgiven. they will not feel better until the person who is hurt feel better. isnt that how always things have to be? life isnt fair at all. totally. just look. babies are being brought into earth everyday. and how many of them are actually be able to live really good life. like how i am now. i cant imagine how people who led a happy life with all the little they have. being contemplated with everything that they have. i am living in a different kind of environment. and i guess i would never be able to understand that. sighs. i have so much already. my parents dont deny me of anything. almost everything that i ask for they will give without saying anything. but still. i know i am taking things for granted but i know i shouldnt. i know i should be thankful for having what i have already. being borned into such a wonderful place with wonderful family. even though it's not always happy and there are times when i wonder why is my family like that. why am i not valuing what i have now. and still playing around. it seems like i've come to my sense. easy talk. when will i put all my talk into actions. hmmm. does all happy things needa come to an end? how can i keep something happy for as long as i want it to be? how long can you keep a smile on someone's face for as long as you want it to be? minds. brains. thinking too much. gah. information overloading? =P the complex minds that never fails to complicate things further. oh wells. branded. materialistic. are that all necessary in life. spend freaking hundreds of dollars on a top and still it's just a top. not all branded goods look nice. doesnt mean that you wear branded goods will make you any different from anyone else. doesnt mean that you wear branded means you're any better off from anyone walking on the same road as you. you can wear branded and have all the face that you want and have all the people flocking to you wanting to be your friends. but how many of them will actually be real and true and not fake and surface. i think none of them will be real. love. how do people actually know is the other person is meant to be their other half for their rest of lives. how is it that because of that they are willing to wait for as long as it has to just to see they get a chance at what they think is their destined other half. then what will happen if halfway down the waiting road and the fated other half comes along then it'll be missed. but who is to determined who is the right one. i believe everyone has done this before. actaully like someone and not say it out. and just let things flow and maybe even miss the chance that might be the one. but some people will say if it's the one it'll be fated and you'll still be together in the end no matter what happens. why do people like the person just cause the person likes he or she. and then why does it usually end up that he or she likes the person more than the person likes he or she. weird isnt it. but i know for sure that it does not happen that way all the time. cause sometimes things just dont work out the way either one of them or both of them wants it to be. i know that when you hear that someone tells you that he or she likes you. you'll be happy. unless you totally hate that person then you be like what in the world kinda thing. it's a fortune to have people liking you. but it doesnt always turn out the way it will be. because you might not be able to return what the person feels for you. then in the end you might end up hurting the person. then things might turn out totally different and totally weird/awkward and all. then how are you going to make things return the way they are before everything was said? more than 3 months ago everything ended. but these few days i've been reminded of what happened in the past 2 years. and i can say for sure that everything is different already. it doesnt hurt anymore or maybe just a tiny little bit. i am not what i was 3 months ago. i can happily say that even though my life hasnt been as smooth sailing but i know for sure that it'll get better as the days pass cause now i have friends who are always there for me. and they were there for me even when i didnt realise that they were there. thank you all. 3 months isnt a very long time. 3 months isnt a very short time too. but then again and again who is to determine if it's long or not. gah gah gah. but it was a very fulfilling 3 months for me. for me to really talk to you like how i can talk to the others in the aff gang. you needa give me time also. but then again. i needa think if i wanna do that or not. words are spoken. promises are given. but how for sure am i suppose to really know what will happen in the future. who can guarantee what happens in the future. you are who you are. you can think do whatever you want. and i have no right to stop you from your actions and words. i know it's not easy for you. as it is not easy for me but it should be easier for me. i've caused pain to you. and i'm really sorry. there's nothing i can offer you but sorry and my friendship with you. but i am flattered and thank you for letting me know. let's just hope that things doesnt stay this way. and that it'll get better. oh. and this isnt exactly a happy post. but it'll be soon. on lighter note. i have put on weight. zzzzzzzzzzzz. CAN SOMEONE TELL ME HOW TO LOSE THEM ALL AWAY in a really really short time? like before chinese new year. gah. this stinks. shouldnt have ate what i ate at that time. regretting now. zzzzzzzzzzzzz. alrights. i think i should really stop for today. it's really too long. and i congratulate all those who read everything and all the way till here. reading my nonsense and no logic post. hahaha! it's 4.58am i needa get up at 7.30am. classes at 9am. wee~ -i'm dead- which means dont be shock seeing a panda tomorrow. =P |
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